High Impact, Low Effort Parenting Strategies

Parenting often feels like a total roller coaster. Some days are great; others..not so much. As a military spouse and parent with ADHD, I need practical strategies that actually work. Thankfully as a child psychologist, I’ve got a few tools in my kit. Here are some of my go-to, easy but effective, parenting strategies that generally lead to more positive child behavior.

The Framing Hack

Framing is all about how you present things to your child to encourage better behavior. This could be a task, chore, request..etc. It’s a simple trick that can make a big difference with very little effort!

In Action: Here’s a way I use it on with toddler. She often resisted the high chair, so I began calling it something else! If we were at a restaurant waiting for her meal and had a toy, I’d use that: “Let’s get into your Special Play Dough Chair!” At home, I’d say something like: “let’ s get into your Special Spaghetti Chair, Yummy!”

Grab-Bag Prizes

What do kids love? Surprises! This is also called Mystery Motivator also and can be used a few ways. You have a bag of cheap, simple toys or objects that your child can’t see into. When they earn a prize, you allow them to pull a prize out of the bag (without looking!). This can be incorporated into a points chart for learning or practicing a behavior/skill/routine or used more randomly.

In Action: This is great for learning new routines or adjusting current ones. For instance, we were having a rough time with bedtime and needed to prioritize this (for all of our sanity). I created a checklist of nightly routines and gave my daughter “points” for following the routine each night. Once we hit a certain amount, she was allowed to select a Grab Bag prize.

TELL, Don’t ASK

Do you ask your children to do things that you expect of them? Or do you tell them to do it. Using simple commands is much more effective than asking your child to do something. If you’re providing an expectation, use a statement, not a question. A little swap in language makes a big difference! 

In Action: I expect my daughter to pick up her laundry. She knows this and has done it many times. But if I ASK her “would you pick up your laundry?”, that insinuates that she doesn't have to do it if she prefers not to. Instead, you could say “please place your laundry in your drawers as soon as your video is over”.

Specific Praise

Parents often go into what I call “”corrector mode where every statement to our children is a behavioral correction. I’ ve been there! But this only kills the mood of everyone involved and does NOT typically improve behavior. Instead, notice what they are doing right and tell them! Be specific on what behaviors you see and show enthusiasm.

In Action: This should be used as frequently as possible, not just in those difficult times. Telling children what they’ re doing right helps them to understand and demonstrate good behavior. A simple example statement: “Thanks so much for getting your shoes on right away when I asked you! I really appreciate your hard work and listening today ”. Boost the effects by getting on their level, making eye contact, and pairing it with a high five or hug. 

State Your Expectations 

Kids don ’t always necessarily know HOW to behave across different settings. Okay mom, so we go to the park and I run around, but then we go to the store and I also think that I can run around! Understanding expectations is a skill that needs to be taught. So before entering a new setting or starting a new task, tell them a few expectations that you have (and tell them what TO do vs. what not to do-when possible).

In Action: We may be entering a setting that’s more calm, like a museum or a church. Before we get out of the car, I state a few expectations. “Hey girls! We’re going to a new place today which is really exciting, but there are a few rules we’re expected to follow. We are allowed to point at objects to show each other, but we are not allowed to touch them. Can you show me how to point to this without touching it? Great! Also, we are expected to keep our bodies and voices calm and stay close to mom or dad. Can you do these things for me today?” . Having them agree to the rules and/or restate them will boost the effects also!!

Beat the Buzzer

This strategy is simply using a timer to motivate a child to complete a task or routine. Y ou challenge your child to “ beat the buzzer”. Make sure that you set them up for success the first few times to make it more fun! This is great for getting ready for school or bed and cleaning up their toys.

In Action: My favorite way to use this one is as a “Clean Up  Challenge”. Especiallyyy at the end of a play date at my house with multiple children. They all get into it and do a great job! Another option is to use a song or a certain number of songs. If they finish their goal before the song(s) are up, they win! Cranking up some fun music provides a bit of a mood boost during the activity!

Roughhousing/Physical Play

This is probably my personal fave! It’s great for those times where you need to move your body but don’t have tons of mental energy. Have a tickle fight, dance party, or even toss your littles around. They LOVE it and it is shown to improve behavior!

In Action: We often end our morning routine with what I call “bed throws”. I throw each of my littles onto the bed a few times. Using the strategy in this way also creates excitement around finishing our routine. However, this strategy should be used throughout the week as opposed to framed as a reward.

Disclaimer: This tool is provided as parent education ONLY and

does not imply a therapeutic relationship. To seek therapy services,

contact a licensed mental health professional in your area.

If you are interested in parenting/therapeutic services for your child

you can contact Dr. Hannah directly at drhannah@samahapsychology.com.

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